Count your blessings...

Last year had it’s wonderful times but it was also very hard. I finally let myself think about it today at church. I think it was because I suddenly realized I'd reached my goal. The babies are 9 months. I kept telling myself when we they were born, I'll feel so much better when the babies get past 9 months. Bad move. I completely fell apart.
I try to be a person who sees the glass half full, make the best of things, look on the bright side. That’s my life. When I think back on my childhood I remember it being wonderful. I adore my husband, we have wonderful children and we have always had our needs met. I learned at a young age to work hard and take responsibility for my life or should I say control of my life. Yeah, for the most part I’ve thought I was in control. I mean of course I knew Heavenly Father was in control but I kinda thought things would always turn out just about how I wanted them too.
Last year Heavenly Father lovingly taught me a lesson. He wanted me to understand that things wouldn’t always work out exactly how I thought they should. My children are really His and not all things I think are really important are. But that in the long run it would all work out for the best.
I’ve never in my life felt as scared, and alone as I did so many times in 2009. But I really have to thank my Heavenly Father for so much. Thank you for being there to protect my brother. Thank you for comforting me in the night when I couldn’t sleep from fear he might be gone. Thank you for bringing him back to us. Thank you for being there when my baby boy went gray and limp and lifeless in my arms. Thank you for telling me what to do to bring him back. Thank you for letting me see that something was wrong with Fritz when no one else did. Thank you for sending an angel nurse who would listen and then realize he was failing too. Thank you for sending your angels to be with me in the hospital to help me know what to do when the babies sats dropped and no one came. Thank you for standing beside me that Sunday morning when the Priesthood holders came with the Sacrament. Thank you for the sweet spirit we all felt. I knew then that you were with us, that you were aware of these sweet babies and all that they would grow to become in this life. Thank you for letting me know I didn’t need to be afraid. Thank you for all the talks during those long days and nights. Thank you for helping Beau with the older boys while I was gone those 12 days and for comforting them as well. Thank you for helping me to know how to take care of the babies ever since. Thank you that we were able to keep the monitors long enough to be aware that Finn went apnic again at 6 months. Thanks you for sending us Zak. I NEVER thought I’d have a dog in the house. Thanks for knowing we’d need him to heal. I can’t say I’m a big fan of all the hair but surprisingly I don’t mind that much. We love him. He brings us peace and comfort and that’s just what we need. It’s funny how dogs can do that. Lie at your feet an calm you right away and make you feel safe. I guess it’s not that way for everyone. I know it wasn’t that way for me before. My friend Drennan’s son drown while the babies were in the hospital. He said Heavenly Father stood beside him as he watched the people trying to bring him back, that Heavenly Father gave him the choice whether to stay or not. He could hear his mom’s thought’s and choose to come back. I was talking to Drennan after and found out they got a dog too. For all the same reasons.
Thank you for letting me know you understood how I felt when so many couldn’t. Thank you for letting me know that even though everyone has hard times and there are so many people out there going through much harder things every day, my pain mattered to you. Thank you for all my friends who were patient and supportive of me when I put up walls because I felt numb and tired. I need to work on taking those down now. Thank you for helping me realize the difference between the things that really matter and the things that don‘t. Thank you for all our family. Thank you for a new year.
Little Beau came inside a while back from sitting on the trampoline. He said to me “Mom, sometimes Jesus’ plans don’t work out the way we want them.” I asked him, “really?” He said, “Yeah, sometimes they work out better.” I asked him how he knew, and he told me he heard You tell him this while he was sitting on the trampoline.
Thank you.